my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I have post one night stand depression
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