my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
