My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
