She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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