Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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