oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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