I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
