I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I accidentally burped into my bong.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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