Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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