I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
