i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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