goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
