i just sent this text using only my big toe
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
