Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
