I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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