youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
