The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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