so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
