plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
