I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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