I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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