Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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