I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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