nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
