I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
