Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
