Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
How's work?
Spinning.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize