would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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