Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
