Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
