I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
