Swine flu. Run for my life!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you inspire me to be a worse person
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
