1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
