I wish you could order shots online.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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