I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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