Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
