I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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