why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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