Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
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