is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think I just sharted jello shots
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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