I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
