Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
