If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
