Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
