im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
