I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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