No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
