I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
