I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
