I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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