I cut my penus on the lid.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
