i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
