I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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