I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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