Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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