I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
