If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
