I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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