Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
