A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
