I bet he comes in French.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
