Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
