What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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