Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
