i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
