last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It was confusing and full of hummus
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
