So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
