He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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