Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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